Most parents are at least curious about how their children would rate their performance. At TheCallDC in the nation’s capital, several teens offered their takes on the jobs their parents are doing. Their views might surprise you.

Every parent would love to know the secret.

There must be some secret to raising teenagers, to communicating with them and having healthy relationships. There has to be a secret. Otherwise, it’s pure frustration to think teens can’t be reached at all.

Dr. Michael S. Tobin, a marital and family therapist in the northeastern U.S., says the parent-teen relationship doesn’t have to be a battle. “Here’s the good news: It’s possible to live in peace with your teen,” Tobin writes on WholeFamily.com.

Among two dozen tips for dealing with teens, Tobin suggests parents talk to their children. “Don’t judge or preach,” he explains. “Let your conversations with your teen be an act of discovery. You may be surprised at what you’ll find out.”

But not all parents can or will get through to teens—and not all teens seem to be willing to talk. The next best thing is to hear what kids say about their parents and the jobs they do.

At the Washington, D.C. teen gathering, TheCallDC, Christianity.com talked to some teenagers about how they felt their parents were doing in the job of parenting. Here’s what we learned:

Esther Ikotun of Pikesville, Maryland says of her parents: “They encourage me, and they never give up.” Dad, in particular, always provides options, she said. He doesn’t push her, and he always backs her up. After high school, she hopes to study languages and child psychology. Sporting a WWJD bracelet, Esther says she will do “whatever God wants me to do.”

Hannah Hudson of Warren, Michigan feels there’s something important ahead for her. In fact, she’s believed that God has a call in her life from the time she was a baby and entered the world black and blue from a brain hemorrhage.

Baron Sawyer of San Dimas, California, says the secret to reaching teens is in earning their trust. He praises his parents for setting a good example.

The importance of parental love was emphasized by the other teens as well. Esther appreciates her parents’ steadfast love and the fact that they allow her to make her own decisions. Hannah has always known her parents cared through their strong love and the call they instilled in her from birth. 

Online family therapist Tobin reminds parents to learn how to listen. “When you feel compelled to lecture, eat an apple,” he writes. “Only through listening can you develop a connection to your son or daughter.”

He also tells parents to be patient. “The nose ring will eventually come out.”

And if it’s not out soon, parents should remember that each child is a God-created individual, like a snowflake or a grain of sand. Together they might be part of an irresistible force. Alone, each needs separate care and feeding.

Michael Clark is a feature writer for Christianity.com and works from Virginia Beach.